demons revisited
2004-07-16 - 12:57 p.m.
I miss you. I try hard never to admit that. I miss hearing you say "I love you", I miss your arms around me, I miss talking 'til all hours simply because there was something to talk about.
I miss you singing to me, and you and I singing together to our song. I miss dancing with you. I don't dance anymore, you know. Not with anyone. I don't think that I will again.
I've tried to lock the emotions away. I've tried to forget how good it was, when it was good. I've tried to say that it was all a mistake, that we never should have gone out, that we were better friends than as a couple...but in the end, none of that is really true. You and I were simply too young. At any other time, things might have worked.
Every year, I acknowledge your existence three times. On your birthday, the anniversary of our first kiss (and mine), and the anniversary of the day I handed you "the note" that started it all. Until recently. And now, I can't get you out of my mind. Again.
Perhaps it was a mistake to reach out you again, but I don't believe it was. It gained me what could be called closure of what we once had. You and I are different people now, with different lives, and perhaps now we can go on as friends...
...suddenly, though, I'm reminded of the episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer where Spike is talking to Buffy and Angel about their relationship. "Lover's Walk", I think it is...yeah. That's it.
"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends."
Maybe that's so...but I have to make the attempt.
I promised you once that I would love you forever.
I kept that promise. But I have to live the life I have, and put my memories away. And I will.
Someday, perhaps I'll even forget. But I don't think so.
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kilts, meat, and white house bound boo boos - 2004-07-16
demons revisited - 2004-07-16